1. |
Bade (a false hope)
03:49
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When it all comes crashing down.
Do you feel the weight of the world?
The spectral that’s become the night sky.
For everyone waiting on your skyline.
So won’t you do your worst?
Lay in this bed with me.
And I’ll do my best to keep,
my best to make it seem insincere.
So do your worst.
Bend and contort.
Make it seem so insecure
When my lack of confidence becomes so ugly.
So that time that we spent dear,
tell me was it mine or yours?
Is that time you spend now dear,
tell me is it mine or yours?
Nashville skyline make it seem like
I could find anything that I could be
Under the pressing scene.
The night sky’s for everything,
Diamonds stamped into a canopy.
But, darling could you fuck the sin right out of me.
Tell me, can I be your fantasy?
So I can finally get back to sleep.
I know I could be so much better than this.
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2. |
Insomnia
01:36
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lɐʇuǝɯnɹʇsuᴉ
"Feeling sad every now and then is a fundamental part of the human experience, especially during difficult or trying times. In contrast, persistent feelings of sadness, anxiety, hopelessness and disinterest in things that were once enjoyed are symptoms of depression, an illness that affects at least 20 million Americans. Depression is not something that a person can ignore or simply will away. Rather, it is a serious disorder that affects the way a person eats, sleeps, feels and thinks. The cause of depression is not known, but it can be effectively controlled with treatment.
The relationship between sleep and depressive illness is complex – depression may cause sleep problems and sleep problems may cause or contribute to depressive disorders. For some people, symptoms of depression occur before the onset of sleep problems. For others, sleep problems appear first. Sleep problems and depression may also share risk factors and biological features and the two conditions may respond to some of the same treatment strategies. Sleep problems are also associated with more severe depressive illness.
Insomnia is very common among depressed patients. Evidence suggests that people with insomnia have a ten-fold risk of developing depression compared with those who sleep well. Depressed individuals may suffer from a range of insomnia symptoms, including difficulty falling asleep (sleep onset insomnia), difficulty staying asleep (sleep maintenance insomnia), unrefreshing sleep, and daytime sleepiness. However, research suggests that the risk of developing depression is highest among people with both sleep onset and sleep maintenance insomnia."
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3. |
Expressive Delirium
02:58
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In a disarrangement we all write several stories based off past events. This is a more recent story of how I been feeling. I don't understand for sure as to why but I have been, so I wrote it down. As said before "we feel like we constantly have to pick a side and stick with it." The fact is we have to change things to start moving forward. I had been think of this deeply in a dark apartment by candle light looking for something, someone inside of me.
So I started speaking with the empty bottles at night. Questioning them about where the words were coming from. Apparently, there's something tugging at a piece of my soul. I've been chasing a change. Which lead me up the street following street lamps and a phone call to an old friend. She spoke of brighter things my mind just didn't want to comprehend. So she said come to my place we'll talk it over chase away the things you've been hiding.
I grabbed my notebook and walked a good while writing as I went. When I had arrived there she asked me to take walk a park with her. When I had left sometime near sunrise and woke up to a notebook saying this along with a note from her in the margin saying we found a way.
AND made...
"A pledge to make something" never stop writing...
This is what end up on my page.
We took a long walk
Down a path to belong
Prolonging thoughts of pride
We swore we'd make it
At least some day
Mother never was proud
And we new things change
But tonight we'll stumble home
Drunk and so far alone
Trying to find who we are
Not who we want to be
So take a rest
Closing my eyes to sleep
At night to hope
To dream of being more than thieves
We all walk this path
Searching...
Walking...
Stalking...
And waltzing through time
When all we ever wanted
Was to change our own goddamn lives
When all we ever wanted was a change
Well, I finally found it here
Whether it is in different or the same
I found it in a dimly lit park at this time of year
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4. |
Handcuffed
03:34
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Oh, if you were there, were you waiting for me? Handcuffed to the bed darling, you know I'd tie you up any day of the week. Well, were you waiting on something or that you could wait for someone close to love? Tell me did you find love? Well, we could waste away the day of the wannabe's, and I guess I just digress to be anything that I could hope to be. But darling were you waiting for me? Yeah, darling are you still there? Yeah, this phone call wasn't for you. Yeah, this phone call makes you scream to me.
So, won't you pull my hair dear, make it seem like I could fear, anything that could lead me to a good year. Maybe I could change the pace, make it seem like my life's a waste, make it seem like I could be worth the time of day. Well, darling are you waiting there? Handcuffed to the bed, why can't I just get that thought out of my head? Will you sexualize your life dear, make it seem like you could so beautiful, so elegant. Waste your life away dear, make it seem like alcohol won't leave you naked and cold, naked and cold. I just wanted to be anything, (now) I want to be handcuffed to the room.
Well, are you waiting there, waiting for someone to rub your body as you awake? I guess, I don't really miss you, I just miss the way your skin taste. Well, darling, are you waiting there waiting for something so beautiful? Darling are you waiting for... Darling are you waiting for true love, well darling all those movies aren't like Hollywood. But, you could be the star of your, own goddamn homemade snuff video. Well, doll, how could you swear by a god that you could never admit to? Darling, I'm just waiting I guess for a chance to make it through. Well, I guess I could digress and regress to calling you!
So, won't you pull my hair dear, make it seem like I could fear, anything that could lead me to a good year. Maybe I could change the pace, make it seem like my life's a waste, make it seem like I could be worth the time of day. Well, darling are you waiting there? Handcuffed to the bed, why can't I just get that thought out of my head? Will you sexualize your life dear, make it seem like you could so beautiful, so elegant. Waste your life away dear, make it seem like alcohol won't leave you naked and cold, naked and cold. I just wanted to be anything, (now) I want to be handcuffed to the room.
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5. |
Spring Sale
04:33
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Why is it always freezing when the spring night becomes the winter? Yeah, why am I still wondering? Why am I not sleeping? In March or June the dawn always feels like, it's misplaced itself for someone else. So, why am I replacing myself? So, why am I still screaming? One bedroom away you're not listening. Baby girl, won't you hate fuck me now?
Because I'm six states away I'm wondering if I am in Coney Island or Brighton Beach. Yeah, I guess I'm not as over you as I thought. There's a stage to sing, people to see, yeah I even fell in love in Tennessee. But yeah, your taste, your face, still holds it's place in the back of my head. So won't you save me? Yeah, won't you save me? Won't you save me now?
Now that you're gone I can't help think that I lost everything and a place that I could sleep. Never thought that you could be so stuck in my head, in my head. Maybe I wanted nothing to do with anything that I did when I said I loved you. Yeah, now that everything's fine your just one phone call away I know now. You're wondering? So, darling are you wondering are wanting me? But if I could make it home. Yeah, I could forgive. I could, I could, I could forgive everything.
Do you think you could save me now? Now, that I'm alone. Tell me can you see, can you save me now? Before I'm four states away winters cold tears me awake. Oh, won't you make it safe? Make it out? Well, won't you baby girl save me or hate fuck me now. Could save me, could you love me now? Now that I am six states away from you...
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6. |
Hopeful
04:28
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Do you remember when they used to believed in you?
Before you decided to play the game and take your place in line
Did you believe in the things that they wanted you to?
A God a hopeful family a place in a suburban daydream
I guess, I failed to deploy I made it my own choice
To make the roads feel like home, and I guess I'm ok now
Cause I'm hopeful are you hopeful too?
Yeah I'm hopeful are you hopeful too?
For a future with something much better this
I hope I could find a way to save you and me
Cause I think that I still need you
But I'm hopeful for everything
That could take the place of my daydreams
But think that I could save you
We fell in love under the pretense of history
The same as the fire that burned down my whole goddamn city
Or the cyclone that tore apart downtown
I guess you don't want me to show you around
Tell you of my memories
You smiled bright when you saw his name
You smiled even brighter when you saw my face
Because of that energy that was like an open door
(Bridge. Chorus)
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7. |
No Place Like Home
03:06
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They said there's no place like home, they said that there's nothing like being on the open road. But they said there's no place like home, yeah there's no place like it.
There's no place to take your breath away, just the riverside with stars reflecting off the water. These ripples, the seed of everything. You said; there's no place like home. No where give you hope like home, so won't you take me home? I'm sick of the open road. They said there's no place like home, but I know nothing about it. They said there's no place like home. They said there's nothing like the open road, but there's no place like home.
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8. |
23/01
05:38
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<object; 23/01><verse>We fell in love under the pretense of history. Diamond eyes and fault line mountains. You could write a song to sing along. Would you just wait? Would just wait would you settle for less? You were beautiful even when you were the sunset. Just remember that times goes on and we all grow old. {you were my sunset}</verse><bridge>To dust and ash we'll become what we'll be, just remember that time goes on and on and on and on and on and on {we've become what we'd be}</><chorus>Make it look so beautiful, wrap it up so natural. Swallow the notes whole, make it seem like you have soul. To sell out to every night in the basements, the places that you hide your face from every thing. Swallow the notes whole, make it seem so natural, make it look so beautiful to make it seem like you have soul.</chorus><verse>Don't worry kid there's time for sleep when you're dead. You've got to write a page, write a page, and ride it out for them. Make it beautiful, make it something they can relate to. Yeah, I know that you wrestle with the demons in your head. I know, you're not that sad, but make it up make it up they want to hear you dead, they want to hear you dead. Your art is beautiful but it makes you sad, but could you make them believe it, could you make them believe it? Can you make them believe they need to see you fall apart to your head? </verse><bridge>Just remember that time goes on and we all grow old to dust and ash, we become what we'd be. Just remember that every thing continues on and on and on and on and on, yeah we become what we'd be.</bridge><chorus>Make it look so beautiful, wrap it up so natural. Swallow the notes whole, make it seem like you have soul. To sell out to every night in the basements, the places that you hide your face from every thing. Swallow the notes whole, make it seem so natural, make it look so beautiful to make it seem like you have soul.</chorus>~make it seem like you have a soul, make it look like...tear yourself apart so it's seems like you a soul
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
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9. |
It Will Come Around
01:42
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Come back around, you said it would come back around.
Just like the street lamps that turn on each night,
The porch lights the turn off every time we walk by.
Singing songs by somebody, we don't even know.
I guess, it's just time that I walk my way back home.
Because it'll come back, yeah it all comes back around.
Sidewalk walks through a dim lit park,
You said I can't believe the way it feels in the dark.
Darling, you wanted nothing more,
Than to say that I'll always come back around.
Let it come, will you come around?
Come again, I didn't go far enough away.
It'll come back around, dear...
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10. |
Homesick Girl
04:49
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She would breath a sigh of relief as her body presses deep into me. I guess, we’re both looking for release. Then she said St. Louis is so beautiful and old, maybe that’s why it still speaks to me. Fuck it, it all just speaks to me. And you don’t understand but these boys like to play their games. I guess, one took a piece of me, yeah he took a part of me with him. Well, do you know where home is? Can you tell me what it is? Can you tell me what it’s like to have a place like home?
Homesick girl, are you homesick girl? Did you find a place for you and me? (Because I’m sick of these places). Did you find your place? Did you find a place for you and me?(Just get me back to the Midwest) So homesick girl, are you homesick girl? Won’t you find a place to lay your head? A place to save yourself again. Did you find your place in the back of room, in a place that you said it wouldn’t be a tomb, but I guess it’s all the same if you just walk away now.
As I was crying on an old piano bench, in a coffee shop just outside of town. She leaned in quick to kiss me to say. Boy won’t you come back to bed, we can chase away these fears you have. Just take these ghost right out of my womb. Well, darling your eyes are like an open wound. Tell me do you find hope in my blood shot eyes. Well tell me, I just want to know what that is it. Well, homesick girl when will you be back home? Because I know you’ve got to get back to Tennessee.
Homesick girl, are you homesick girl? Did you find a place for you and me? (Because I’m sick of these places). Did you find your place? Did you find a place for you and me?(Just get me back to the Midwest) So homesick girl, are you homesick girl? Won’t you find a place to lay your head? A place to save yourself again. Did you find your place in the back of a room, in a place that you said it wouldn’t be a tomb, but I guess it’s all the same if you just walk away now.
Homesick girl, my homesick girl did you find a place to lay your head, did you find a place to lay the dead? I guess, these ghost are adjusting to the places, to a place where I guess I couldn’t save it. I guess, I’m just alone now so homesick girl won’t you come back home. (Would you come back home? Can I come back? Can I come back home?)
Homesick girl, homesick girl did you make it back to your mothers house. Because I don’t think that I need you anymore.
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11. |
Pilot (Theme Song)
03:13
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.......................................................................```.``.`.s.`.`.[s;l./f..;/a;sf.va[xp;adgviutvkcajhfghcvsatrfcgqnXRI7AEVBTCNAeeTDQGNVWSCHDFJFuyeudsgbjv ,akdmg,br+9tj6d5m,f2ghdoyouseemescreaming?jvan kfu nafbnDcahmdvyandvadhfmjacmdhvjadvahmdiwillforeverremaincompletelyandutterlyabsentofeverythingthatismyonlyhappinessknbxbavjfnbdamivsntgcqmaxzoisdgy bvnazdg
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12. |
||||
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When I get back from the four weeks I have planned away, I’m going to change something. I don’t know what yet, but sleeping on couches isn’t going to be a thing much longer. Maybe I’ll move again, like away from here. Although, more than likely I’ll end up back in the city or something like that. I just need to shift some weight, I’m sick of this bored and lackluster feeling I’ve been having lately. Should I go back to _____? Has crossed my mind a thousand times these past few months. Should I look into other options outside of the state? Is another. I need to be leaving, at some point or another, there’s nothing but triggers all over this place. The ghost are real and inviting with ill intentions. Maybe I am in fact going insane, maybe that’s all I’ve learned from this journal. Maybe it’s all just passing events that I keep myself detached from. Depression and suppressed feelings will destroy everything again, at some point. It’s destined and happens without fail. For now, I need to figure out what the next step forward is I’m tired of sitting around dormant.
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i'm fine thanks!
I'm Fine Thanks! is a small label that makes tapes for small bands and artist. Based out of St. Louis, Missouri started by joebryant. to help out some friends.
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